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The Elegance of Restraint – Tonya Leigh

The Elegance of Restraint - Tonya Leigh

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After falling in love with the wealthy simplicity of French dwelling, I’ve been on the trail of “less but better” for a few years now.

“Less” requires restraint, and traditionally, I used to be not a gal who appreciated to have limits, which is what restraint comes right down to.

I liked to maintain all choices on the desk.

Choices imply extra alternative…..proper?

I’m a pleasure seeker.

Isn’t denying oneself ….the antithesis of pleasure?

I need to expertise all of the issues.

Gained’t chopping off my choices be…. so boring?

Clearly, I had rather a lot of inner conflicts that I wanted to deal with.

Half of me was turned on by the thought of much less and the opposite half of me was terrified of the thought.

If you wish to know in case your means of being, considering and doing is working, take a look at the outcomes you’ve created in your life.

The not-so-stellar outcomes I had created have been:

  • Overwhelm
  • An lack of ability to focus and get issues completed
  • Muddle that I’d transfer from one room to the subsequent
  • A stuffed closet
  • Weight fluctuations
  • Messy funds.

In different phrases, I felt like I used to be flailing round in my life.

The irony is that I prided myself in being a “free-spirit,” however the fact was that I used to be something however free.

I used to be trapped within the chaos of my very own making.

The reply? To pursue the magnificence of restraint.

It was the antidote to my self-created chaos.

Restraint is “the measure that keeps someone or something within limits.”

I needed to reside inside the limits of my goals and potential which meant that I needed to begin chopping away every thing else.

Now, in case you’re something like I used to be, you’ve learn up till this level and also you’re considering,

“Tonya, YES! This is me, and I know I need some limits but where do I even start?”

Let’s start!

Listed here are some useful ways in which I’ve practiced the pursuit of restraint in numerous areas of my life the place I tended to create chaos:


I’m the most important dreamer you’ll ever meet.

And I encourage ladies to have goals.

However . . .

Rome wasn’t inbuilt a day and neither are your goals.

Should you’re making an attempt to drop extra pounds, make one million dollars, write a ebook, begin a enterprise, manage your own home, get in form, and be a terrific mother and spouse all of sudden, likelihood is you’ll really feel paralyzed with the place to start out.

Think about when you actually targeted on only one dream at a time?

As somebody who was so immune to this concept and now practices it ruthlessly, I can attest to its magical powers.

You are feeling a way of completion. You construct the momentum in your life. You are feeling proud of what you’re carrying out. All of this spills into different areas of your life.

Your season could also be a month or a yr, however the place do you need to focus?

Is it your funds?
Well being?

Selecting one precedence appears undoable in our multi-tasking and busy world, the place our inboxes are exploding and we now have a minimum of 20 tabs open on our computer systems, however what’s life been like by making an attempt to do all of the issues?

Yeah, that’s what I assumed.


In his greatest-promoting guide, Essentialism, Greg McKeown explains the shocking historical past of the phrase, precedence, and the way its which means has shifted over time.

“The phrase precedence got here into the English language within the 1400s. It was singular. It meant the very first or prior factor. It stayed singular for the subsequent 5 hundred years.

Solely within the 1900s did we pluralize the time period and begin speaking about priorities. Illogically, we reasoned that by altering the phrase we might bend actuality. Someway we might now be capable of have a number of “first” issues.

Individuals and corporations routinely attempt to do exactly that. One chief advised me of this expertise in an organization that talked of “Pri-1, Pri-2, Pri-3, Pri-4, and Pri-5.” This seemed of many issues being the precedence however truly meant nothing was.”

So fascinating and true, proper?

We’ve been considering we have been sensible by making an attempt to make every part a precedence.  However by wanting on the outcomes of our society — extra overwhelm, melancholy, frustration and nervousness than ever earlier than —  clearly, it’s not working.

Be daring sufficient to decide on only one factor after which go all in.

You’ll be amazed on the outcomes.

Should you’re needing private help from me and a transparent framework….look no additional!

I’d like to ask you to enroll in my stay workshop — The Dream Atelier — the place we give attention to bringing your concept to life in 30 days.

Go right here to seek out out extra. 


I used to consider I needed a small metropolis of shut buddies. Then, I began making pals wherever I went. At first, it felt superb till . . . the textual content messages began rolling in, the invitations have been non-cease, the telephone calls occurred throughout dinner.

Abruptly, I used to be SO overwhelmed by the quantity of individuals in my life. I started to really feel responsible as a result of I couldn’t reply to their messages inside a day. I used to be exhausted from making an attempt to attend all of the dinners and occasions.

It wasn’t truthful to them or me. By making an attempt to be a very good pal to many, I used to be being a horrible pal to my few closest associates. To not point out, there wasn’t rather a lot of area for myself or my goals.

That’s once I made a acutely aware determination to slender my shut good friend circle and actually spend money on the friendships that imply probably the most to me.

On the subject of pals, I crave much less however higher — higher communication, higher high quality time, higher textual content message turnaround.

We solely have a lot to provide, particularly in relation to our time, so selecting correctly the place to take a position this valuable commodity is an important half of magnificence.


I’ll endlessly be a scholar. I really like studying and rising, however when my Kindle library was rising quicker than my means to learn, I knew there was a problem.

Like my friendships, I used to be skimming the floor, not absolutely devoting my power into one factor lengthy sufficient to really feel the consequences.

So, I decided to restrict the quantity of academics I study from at any given time, I don’t purchase a guide till I’ve learn those I’ve, and I don’t buy a brand new program till I’ve accomplished one.

This enables me to be a superb scholar, to absorb the information and apply it to my life and to really feel the depths of one thing as an alternative of dancing throughout the floor.


Relating to cash, I really like feeling ample.

At one level, nevertheless, I assumed abundance meant spending rather a lot of cash.  Should you’ve ever acquired a bank card invoice after out of management spending, you recognize that this isn’t an ample feeling in any respect.

I’ve come to know that abundance is about taking care of your cash, investing it nicely and spending on the issues that imply probably the most to you.

In relation to cash, identical to with meals, I wish to determine forward of time, what I’ll spend.

For instance, I’ve already determined how a lot I’ll spend on Christmas presents. Once I journey to Paris annually, I determine forward of time what high quality purchases I need to make. I additionally give my daughter a price range so she will study “restraint” as properly.

The irony is that I don’t really feel lack in any respect. Actually, being intentional together with your cash and spending on issues with thought and care it creates a sense of abundance. Don’t idiot your self, as I attempted to, that overspending after which avoiding taking a look at your payments is freedom and abundance. This conduct is definitely full of worry and shortage.


Most of my weight reduction shoppers are terrified of being denied meals. They’ll admit that they need to shed extra pounds AND have the ability to eat something and every little thing they need and as a lot as they need.

I used to be one of them, so I get it! The concept of having guidelines round meals would make me run straight to the fridge and eat each leftover container on which I might get my palms.

As soon as once more, I had confused large consumption with freedom, however clearly, my thoughts nor physique was free.
It felt like being trapped in a dwelling hell. And, for any of you that wrestle together with your physique, you recognize precisely what I’m speaking about.

What actually helped me flip a nook was seeing French ladies have such a pleasurable relationship with meals that’s constructed on restraint. They don’t deny themselves of chocolate, however additionally they don’t permit themselves to gorge on it both.

On the subject of meals, I’ve restraints in place for myself which have allowed me to create a wholesome weight that I’ve maintained for years.

The Freedom of Restraint

Whereas I assumed restraint would really feel shackling, what has stunned me most is how rather more freedom I really feel.

Think about:

Waking up and understanding precisely the place to focus.

Feeling in management in relation to consuming.

Strolling away from meals feeling energized, not stuffed.

Creating belongings you’re proud of since you gave it your full consideration.

Taking a look at your checking account and feeling plentiful.

Opening our closet doorways and feeling enthusiastic about getting dressed?

These are just some issues I’ve skilled consequently of making use of “restraint” to my life.

Once you pursue restraint, you’re giving your mind focus and course.

You understand what’s a robust “yes” and an absolute “no.”

You begin chopping away the issues that don’t align together with your goals.

You’re full of readability.

And, all of a sudden you expertise the reality that I doubted for therefore lengthy:

Much less actually is extra.


Now it’s your flip:

Take a spot examine stock of your life.  The place do it’s worthwhile to apply restraint in your life?  Share it with me within the feedback under.  Observe:  We’re all pals right here, no judgment, solely love! (keep in mind that consciousness is step one within the potential to vary! )

P.S. Should you’re needing private help from me and a transparent framework (and a few loving assist with restraining your self in your drawback to make sure that you don’t sabotage your progress!) to show your concepts into actuality 30 days, I’d like to ask you to enroll in my LIVE workshop — The Dream Atelier. 

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